Anon -> ok I'd like to know what will happen between my son and his dad?
Lisa_Caza -> ok - will need their first names and ages please hon
Anon -> ****** is 7... and ******* is 26
Lisa_Caza -> ok let me connect a bit more here
Lisa_Caza -> because the very FIRST thing I got right away after you asked that question is that there is A LOT of heartache and or strife going on. IT isnt the best of situations ....
Lisa_Caza ->: ***** is disconnected from your son yes?
Anon -> yes
Lisa_Caza -> FOr I feel resentment in your son
Lisa_Caza ->: anger
Anon ->: yea
Lisa_Caza -> aw poor baby boy
Lisa_Caza -> well hon ... from what I am gathering here ... that little man has been going through hell because of his dad - he is very smart too
Lisa_Caza -> he will be thinking about this for many years hon ..
Anon -> i know...
Lisa_Caza -> bottom line and real quick read is that I do see him as holding on to this hurt as he gets older Anon. Things will be okay ... but it won't be the greatest of relationships. As your son gets older and has a family of his own this is where I see the MOST problems as occurring between those two
Lisa_Caza -> it will start to get a bit worse when he gets to be 12 - 13 ... and will hold anger for a few years. Possibly some fights as well. But then at 19-20 it will level off .... no fighting ... but no real father/son relationship
Anon -> i had that feeling... i was hoping you'd see something like ****** smartening up and being a father!
Lisa_Caza -> No sweetheart I don't unfortunately. I see him as being much like my own ex
Lisa_Caza ->: he only thinks about himself
Anon -> YUP
Lisa_Caza -> very very self absorbed man
Lisa_Caza -> I see alcohol here as well ...
Anon -> yup
Lisa_Caza -> partying
Anon-> yup
Lisa_Caza -> hon ... this will last for many years
Lisa_Caza -> I hate saying that but you know ... he is REALLY digging his OWN grave so to speak when it comes to that little boy
Anon -> am i allowed to ask more questions regarding your reading on this?
Anon -> do i need to worry about my son having behavioral issues because of his anger toward his dad... or depression?
Lisa_Caza ->: yes
Lisa_Caza -> thats what I was referring to when I mentioned that when he gets to age 12 or 13 he will start to act out on his rage
Lisa_Caza -> mainly because at that age the child doesn't fully understand what they are thinking or feeling so they don't know how to behave
Anon -> ok will i get him the help he need in time?
Lisa_Caza -> I would get it for him now sweetie ... why wait?
Lisa_Caza -> Where do you live? Canada or US?
Anon -> ive been working on it for at least a year but it hasnt been too consistant..
Anon -> canada
Lisa_Caza -> Okay where in Canada hon? I am in Ontario . I would call your local Child and Family Services office and they can refer you to a program specifically designed for this type of situation
Lisa_Caza -> You cant' really wait hon because once the child is "in the mode" it is a lot harder to change their way of thinking and attitude
Lisa_Caza -> Its best to catch it now before it gets any more severe
Lisa_Caza -> if you do it now then it will greatly lessen the effect when he gets older
Anon -> Im in ontario alsO, **********... ive been trying to get help for me to help him at ROCK (i dont know if u have heard of it)... and hes on the list for BIG BROTHERS\
Lisa_Caza -> No - Big Brothers isn't the best hon take it from me. I haven't heard of ROCK - must be a more regional program?
Lisa_Caza -> I would go directly to Child and Family Services
Lisa_Caza -> they have the programs you need hon. Not Big brothers. They are good for giving a child a role model to look up to, companionship, etc. But they don't handle therapy issues.
Lisa_Caza -> Wish I was in your area ... all of my social work contacts are up north here in Timmins lol
Anon -> are you saying no to big bros because its your opinion or a feeling?
Lisa_Caza -> it is my PROFESSIONAL social worker opinion Anon that Big Brothers is NOT the answer. Sure it is a great program where they give him a male role model but that's the most of it. Your baby boy requires one on one therapy with a specialist in the field of child psychology, and group sessions with like-minded boys and girls . Yes I agree with Jody - but it's because she is a single mom. Single moms carry so much responsibility weight and burden sis. I know been there done that lol
Anon ->: lol - yes ur right... and lisa- youre very good! lol
Lisa_Caza -> lol Anon ty - but just talking from first hand experience honey - that and from all my experience as a social worker involved with families. It's a very hard life ... a very hard transition.
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